Category: Satire

HO, HO – FATHER CHRISTMAS!

On By rebelbreezeIn Cultural Comment, Folk Custom, Ireland, Satire, Song, Traditions & Folk Custom2 Comments

Diarmuid Breatnach

(Reading time: 6 mins.)

We now approach the festival called Christmas. A Christian festival, apparently, celebrating the birth of Christ, the baby Jesus. But are there darker aspects in its references?

Away in a manger
No crib for His bed
The little Lord Jesus
Lay down His sweet head

The stars in the sky
Look down where He lay
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the hay

Such a sweet, holy image.

But actually, when we look around us, it seems more like a festival of the pagan gods: of Bacchus, the god of alcohol and of Mammon, the god of wealth. Bacchus, because in non-Moslem countries, drinking of alcohol will be for most a big component of the festival.

Whiskey, brandy, wine and beer will be bought to stock up the house. Alcohol will be drunk at Christmas parties (including office parties, where for months afterwards some people will regret what they did or said – or even what they didn’t do or say).

Alcohol will be not just drunk but also put into some of the traditional food and even poured over it.

Then Mammon. Well, you can see the retail businesses stocking up for weeks or even months ahead of the festival which, after all, was only supposed to be a one or at most a two-day event.

Giving and receiving gifts has now become part of the festival and in most cases, gifts have to be bought. Which is a really big gift to the retail businesses and thence, really a sacrifice to Mammon.

In the Christian gospels of both Matthew and Luke, it is written that one “cannot serve both Mammon and God” — which goes to show how little they understood capitalism, where Mammon IS God.

A theologian of the Fourth Century saw Mammon as a personification of Beelzebub, which in his time was another name for Satan or the Devil.

Interestingly, Protestant Christianity, which some credit as having invented capitalism, at the same time regarded Mammon, or said they did, as “one of the Seven Princes of Hell”.

Cartoon depiction of Mammon, God of Wealth (Image sourced: Internet)
Sculpture representation of Bacchus, God of Alcohol, in California winery, USA (Image sourced: Internet)

SANTA

          Now, Santa Claus is also a big part of the Christmas festival, especially in western countries, a much more acceptable face than that of greedy Mammon and alcoholic Bacchus, right?

But originally, the Christians saw him a representation of St. Nicholas, 4th Century Bishop of the Greek city of Myra, a location now in Turkey. He was he patron saint of archers, repentant thieves, sailors and prostitutes. The prostitutes probably had to be repentant ones too, of course!

The sailors, who probably had at least as much recourse to prostitutes as had any other calling, were apparently not required to be repentant – to be in danger on the sea was deemed enough.

But St. Nicholas was also the patron saint of children, pawnbrokers and brewers, so we can see how close he was getting there to the modern spirit of Christmas.

GERMAN TRAPPINGS

          Now, the Christmas Tree, der tannenbaum, so much a part of the symbolism of modern western Christmas, came to us from Germany, as did the sled and the reindeer.

The reindeer are not autochthonous or endemic in historic times to Germany, so they must have been brought in their myths from Scandinavia from where originally, the Germanic tribes came.

In turn, the Christmas Tree, Yule Log, reindeer and sled were exported from Germany to England in the reign of Queen Victoria, by her consort Prince Albert, who was German.

And since the English ruled all of us in Victoria and Albert’s time, the Christmas Tree came to us too, to the cities first and then slowly spreading through the rural areas.

A representation of St. Nicholas (before he got the red suit makeover) looking more like a pagan god of the woods. (Image sourced: Internet)

***

When you think about it, this German-English worship of the tree was a bit ironic, since the English had wiped out most of our forests already and were still cutting down our remaining trees in Queen Victoria’s time.

***

And Victoria, through Albert, gave us the Santa Clause we know and love today. A jolly man, well fed, white beard, twinkly eyes, dressed all in red with white trim ….

IN RED?

          Now, wait a minute! It turns out he wasn’t always dressed in red. Originally, he was dressed in a brown, or green cloak. He was, originally among the Germanic people, a god of the forests – hence the evergreen Christmas tree.

And like any sensible woodsman, he dressed in appropriate colours, brown or green. Neither Albert nor Victoria ever represented him as dressed in red. So how did it become so that we are incapable of seeing him today in any other colour than red?

Well, it turns out that Coca Cola is the responsible party.

Yes, although it was the cartoonist Thomas Nast in 1870s United States who first portrayed Santa in a red suit with a belt but it was Coca Cola, in their advertising campaign of 1931 and onwards who made his clothes red world-wide.

Coca Cola is a drink served cold and almost undrinkable when warm but who needs a cold drink in cold weather? I guess Coca Cola needed a warm image to make it still attractive in winter. So therefore the warm, jolly man dressed in red, with a bottle of Coca Cola in his hand.

1931, Santa Clause first appears in red, in Coca Cola advertisement, USA. (Image source: Internet)

Coca Cola brand is worth about $106.1 billion dollars today,1 far ahead of any other cold drinks product. Which I guess brings us back to …. yes, Mammon.

You can mix the drink with a number of alcoholic beverages too, so tipping a nod – and a glass – to Bacchus.

Now, the German Santa Claus, this originally woodland god, is also thought to have been something like Thor, a god of fire and lightning. So can it be any coincidence that two of his reindeer are called Donner und Blitzen, i.e “Thunder” and “Lightning”? Nein – of course not!

A starry night over desert hills, like the Nativity scene but without the Guiding Star. (Photo source: Internet)

INVISIBLE

          Although we see the image of Santa Claus everywhere and even pretend Santa Clauses all over our city streets, everyone knows that nobody sees the real Santa Claus. Children have to be asleep when he arrives to distribute his presents and somehow adults don’t see him either.

Which I suppose is a good thing ….

I mean if you found an adult intruder in your house at night, not to mention near your children, you’d be liable to whack him with a hurley (that’s an Irish cultural reference) …. or a baseball bat (that’s a U S cultural reference) …. or stab him with a sharp kitchen knife (that’s an international cultural reference).

It was bad enough when somehow that portly – not to say fat – man could somehow come down your chimney and go up again, without waking anyone … but now he can get in your house or flat even when you don’t have a chimney.

Which is at least creepy, if not downright scary.

Oh, let’s lighten the mood and sing together:

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m telling you why

Santa Claus is comin’ to town
Santa Claus is comin’ to town

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice
He’s gonna find out
Who’s naughty or nice

Santa Claus is comin’ to town
Santa Claus is comin’ to town

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

Yes, lovely but wait …

“You better watch out, you better not cry …” — Is it just me, or is that not downright threatening? And he knows when we’re sleeping or awake? He has our children under surveillance? In some kind of list?

HO! HO! HO! IN MORALITY PLAYS

          Morality Plays were a genre of theatrical performances of the medieval and Tudor eras in which a character was tempted by a personification of Vice.

Now Vice (not unlike a lot of police Vice Squads), was often seen as the epitome of evil, corruption and greed – in other words, the Devil. The playwrights tended to portray the Devil as somewhat of a comical character, perhaps to keep their audiences entertained (or to disarm them).

So the character who played the Devil would announce his arrival with a stage laugh: “Ho, Ho, Ho!”

You can probably see where I’m going with this.

Nowadays, we tend to see the Devil portrayed in black but in earlier times, he was more often seen as coloured in red. The colour in which Coca Cola just happens to have dressed Santa too.

The German or Nordic Santa was originally a god of fire also, while even the modern Santa drives a magical chariot pulled by horned beasts and he is portrayed all in red. Traditionally, the Devil is seen as residing in Hell, a supposed place of eternal flames below ground.

What does Santa Claus give to children who have not been good? A lump of coal! In other words, a mineral from underground that can burn to make fire.

NICHOLAS

          Santa Claus is supposed to be modelled on St. Nicholas …. and what is the popular abbreviated version of Nicholas, i.e the nickname? Yes, Nick.

And the common name for the Devil, Mammon, Beelzebub, Satan is ….. Old Nick!

We need to wake up! Guard our children!

HO, HO, HO!

End.

Footnotes

1https://www.statista.com/statistics/326065/coca-cola-brand-value/

EXTERMINATION WAR AND ALTERNATE UNIVERSES

On By rebelbreezeIn Creative writing, nature, Satire2 Comments

Diarmuid Breatnach

(Reading time: 3 mins.)

I am engaged in an extermination war and I’m not winning.

It’s against those tiny brown fruit flies. Apparently they live by consuming bits of fruit and other vegetable stuff. But no matter how much I seal kitchen refuse and fruit into bags, large of small, they still fly around and around, annoying me. Deliberately taunting me.

Since I seal the bags, what do they live on? Just the faintest of smells is enough for the little f…ers, it seems! And I use the term advisedly. They are renowned fast breeders and an adult female fruit fly can lay up to 2,000 eggs on the surface of anything that’s moist and rotting.

Within 30 hours, tiny maggots hatch and start to eat the decayed food. Within 2 days, they’re all grown up and ready to mate, too! Luckily a fruit fly only lives 8 to 15 days – but still.

With such a fast turnaround, they’ve been used for genetic experiments, with even a flightless subspecies developed for the purpose.

Unfortunately, the ones at my place are all fully able to fly. And sometimes not just around me but flying right at me, inches away from my eyes. Do you know how difficult it is to kill something tiny mere centimetres away from your eyes? I really, really hate them.

I could spray them with insecticide, or course but that would mean poisoning my living space environment. I use anti-bacterial surface cleaner spray instead, hopefully less toxic for me. I know it’s less toxic for them also but it does slow them down or stick them to the wall so I get them.

Sometimes.

When they’re at a good distance for me to focus, I reach out really fast and smack my two hands together on them. Success rate? About one in ten. And even then, sometimes, when I open my hands, the little f..ker flies away, apparently unharmed and no doubt fly-sniggering.

But what about all those times I know for certain I caught one, open my hands and … nothing there. It’s not like I missed it because I didn’t see it fly away and it is nowhere to be seen. Except a few seconds later, it reappears – from nowhere.

Of course, it can’t appear from nowhere, not really.

So where did it go? Obviously, into an alternate universe and then back out to laugh at me. You don’t believe in alternate universes? Well a lot of physicists treat the subject with great seriousness and even think they might conform to quantum theory.

Don’t ask me to explain quantum theory but the multiple universes theory has to do with time and space or something. And we do know that time is objective (we’re getting older) but also subjective, as we experience when we sit through an interview or a haranguing from a partner.

Anyway, my war with the fruit flies continues. But what is their alternate universe like and why do they come back into mine? No fruit there? No oxygen? Really clever (but not quite quick enough) spiders?

I’m engrossed by the possibilities. Maybe there’s no cops or other fascists there.

So, I talked to this tech geek I know and he’s working on designing a micro-micro video camera. When he has it developed, we’ll trap some of those irritating flies, attach the micro-camera to one, threaten it until it jumps into the next universe and catch it when it returns.

Then, remove the camera and download the film.

What will we see? Who knows. Wonders, perhaps. But maybe only a giant hand swatting at the camera carrier as the fly dodges and shifts-universes back into this one.

End.

COLONIC TIMES: DEFENDING UKRAINIAN STATE DEMOCRACY

On By rebelbreezeIn Civil Rights, Current Affairs Comment, Mass Media Criticism, Political Analysis, SatireLeave a comment

8 September 2023 IrmaPreversky

(Reading time: 3 mins.)

We are very sincere about defending democracy in the Ukrainian state and particularly so since the Russian invasion of February 2022. This is not easy since increasingly some people are doubting that there is democracy at all in Ukraine.

One of the acts of the Ukrainian Government being quoted as ‘anti-democratic’ was the banning of a dozen different political parties. However, surely being banned is no great problem when the due elections have been postponed indefinitely.

Some people have complained about the cancellation but after all, the country is under martial law, as Prime Minister Zelensky says, so it’s not a good time for elections.

(Martial Law is when all civil rights are suspended and the Government can make laws without parliament and jail people without trial if it needs to).

There have been some accusations about censorship and state control of media but some of those allegations are by journalists hostile to the Ukrainian regime, such as Gonzalo Lira who is in jail for posting material critical of the Ukrainian government.

And Natalie Sedletska reported on former premier Poroshenko holidaying in the Maldives with his family while our country was at war. Obviously he should not have done that but really is this the time to report on such things?

Naturally she got into trouble over that with state security, even when Zelensky took over.

So did her agency, the Ukrainian Service of Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty. You’d think they’d know better, since the US State funds that radio network and everybody knows that the USA is thankfully supporting our fight against Russian occupation.

However, whilst it is true that all mass Ukrainian media is now under state control, not many Ukrainian journalists complain about censorship. And yes, it is illegal to criticise the memory of Ukrainian national heroes – unless they were communist, of course.

Stepan Banderas is a national hero of Ukraine with annual torchlit parades in his honour but he was definitely not Communist. It is true that Banderas killed many Poles and Jews but at the time he was working with German Nazi occupiers of the Ukraine during WWII against the Soviets.

One of the most frequent slanders on Ukrainian democracy is to suggest that the state is fascist, which is ridiculous. It is true that the Azov Battalion and Right Sector militias were – shall we say – extreme nationalists; but they have now been incorporated into the National armed forces.

Another propaganda attack on the Zelensky government regards recruitment for our valiant armed forces, with accusations of people being grabbed off the street – even sick and disabled people – and forced into the army. Well, not nice if true but the Russians have many more soldiers than us …

Thankfully, not many of these allegations reach the public in the West; if they did, it might lead to emotional demands to cease supplying us with weapons. We know we’re going to get a huge bill for aid at some time in the future but right now we desperately need it to keep fighting!

Of course, there are communists in the West (why are they permitted to even be there?) who spread these allegations, especially through social media, although some of the platforms like Face Book, Twitter and even Youtube do their best to block them.

It may be hard to believe, perhaps, but there are also some socialists in the West who work hard to discredit those communists, calling them “Putinistas”, supporting the social media platforms closing them down and even sometimes demanding they do so!

In fact, anyone who publicises those allegations, if not a communist, is surely some kind of fellow-traveller. Even though the Russian Federation is no longer communist.

Thank you for reading. We must all keep on working hard to continue defending democracy in Ukraine under President Zelensky.

End.

NEW NAME FOR THE GARDAÍ & FAR-RIGHT’S CONTRIBUTION TO TOURISM

On By rebelbreezeIn Anti-Fascism, Cartoon, Current Affairs Comment, Ireland, Satire1 Comment

News & Views No.7 Diarmuid Breatnach (Reading time: 3 mins.)

Change of Name for Irish Police

The Chief Commissioner of the police force of the Irish state is reputedly “quietly pleased” with the change of name for the force he commands. “It describes the work we actually do” he commented at a press conference earlier today.

There were suggestions that the widely-supported name-change might be held up by bitterness at a recent vote of no-confidence by members of the force against the Commissioner, formerly senior officer in a colonial police force and of MI5 membership but this was not to be.

“He’s used to changes in the names of forces where he comes from,” commented a senior officer. “Besides the new one fits better than the earlier name for the force” he continued but seemed flustered when asked was he referring to the Royal Irish Constabulary.

Others have remarked that the new name gives a much more rounded perspective than the earlier suggestion of Landlord’s Protection Force. “The excellent mobilisation to guard ATMs in the recent Bank of Ireland give-away crisis has justified the new name,” commented the Justice Minister.

“The mobilisation was even more remarkable given that no crime was actually being committed”, said the Minister.

The force will henceforth be known as The Landlords and Bankers Protection Force (with apostrophes ruled out of order). The new insignia or emblem will resemble a tall apartment block with a bank on the ground floor, carrying also the acronym LBPF.

Far-Travelling Rightists

The reported words of a Clare TD this week struck a chord among some far-Rightists. Cathal Crowe TD complained that tourists arrive by coach at the Cliffs of Moher, take selfies against the sights, climb back in and are driven off to Dublin, with no benefit all to the local economy.

“Why not flip the model?” he asked, suggesting that tours could be based in the West and set out from there to take in the sights elsewhere.

“We’ve been doing the kind of tourism recommended by Crowe for a long time”, exclaimed far-Right activist Dara O’Flaherty, “organising protest trips up to Dublin from Galway instead of tours the other way around. But of course we don’t get credit for it,” he concluded bitterly.

O’Flaherty blamed “freemasonry in the travel industry” for the lack of acknowledgement they receive.

Andy Heaseman, from Dublin but currently based in Mayo, stated that he has travelled on his own and with others to Dublin, down to Limerick and Cork “and not only by public transport and shared car”, he claimed “but also by boat – until it crashed,” he concluded with a sad face.

Niall McConnell has also visited Dublin as well as other spots with Farright Protest Tours, while Herman (‘Monster’) Kelly has been to Dublin, Limerick and Ballyjamesduff, though being obliged to leave each town shortly after his arrival.

Niall Nine Lies McConnell used to descend from his Donegal fastness to pray the Catholic Rosary on streets in Dublin and elsewhere, in close proximity to Muslims or people whose lives violate his ideas of gender and sexuality but who somehow continue to defy him.

McConnell was baptised “Nine Lies” for among other things, informing a European gathering of fascists that immigrants outnumbered the Irish-born in Ireland. He’s been taking a break and, “as a devout Christian, most emphatically not a Black Sabbatical” as he pointed out to our reporter.

The title “most travelled Farrighter” must surely go to Dublin-based Phil Dwyer, who claims to have been to every protest against migrants, Muslims, mask-wearing during Covid epidemic, Covid vaccines and anyone not 100% male or female-orientated according to genitalia.

Phil, also known affectionately as “Kick the Dog” gained the nickname “Lederhosen” for recruiting ‘real Irish men’ for hill-walking together, organising such activities to counter the feminising effect he believes female primary school teachers are having on Irish boys.

Phil “Kick the Dog” Dwyer was a recruiter of “heavies” for attacks on antifascists until expelled from the National Party for publicly violating the grave of a female victim of male violence. Dwyer is capable of carrying on his noble crusade even in a taxi home after having a skinful.

Farright Protest Tours (Ireland) on their website recently challenged anyone to name a place to which their service had not travelled or a democratic right which they had not opposed.

The successful respondent will be presented with a copy of the 1930s My Struggle, translated from the original into English and signed by the Austrian author.

End.

SOURCES

https://www.dublinlive.ie/news/gardai-defend-sending-officers-clear-27533946

https://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/growing-problem-of-instagram-tourism-at-cliffs-of-moher-td-claims-1516047.html

MYSTERY CONSTRUCTION AT THE LOTTS

On By rebelbreezeIn Creative writing, Ireland, SatireLeave a comment

Diarmuid Breatnach

(Reading time: 3 mins.)

I slowed the car as we went past the Lotts but kept the engine running – the water was a foot high in the street and I didn’t want to have trouble starting it again.

What the jayzus are they building? asked Noah Parker (you can guess his nickname, though to be fair, his nose was hardly noticeable).

He was only voicing what was a general question in the neighbourhood. The Lotts, and I say the Lotts, because this was the acknowledged main branch of the clan here in Dublin, the other two being known respectively as the South Lotts and the North Lotts, were always a bit strange and secretive. And it’s not easy to combine those two qualities.

Strange but hard workers, all of them in one of the trades: carpenters, welders, electricians … Mrs. Lotts being the exception, into animal management. She had a nickname in the area from an idiosyncrasy of hers, of regularly glancing over her shoulder. ‘Backlook’ it was, though never mentioned in front of any of her brood, for self-preservation reasons.

Around their yard and their house there were cages, pens and runs for rabbits, chickens, geese and ducks but there was also an owl box on a tree, a pair of gaudy parrots flew around the house when it wasn’t raining, two llamas stared disconsolately from their pen at the rain and from somewhere a donkey brayed.

Holy Mother of God said, said Parker, will ya look at that giant rat?

It’s a coypu, replied Mary, who never took exception to the invocation of her namesake. They’re from South America.

Another one appeared and they began to run around one another playfully in the rain. Until one caught the other, climbed on top of it and began to … I blushed and looked in the rearview mirror, caught Mary’s stony glance and looked away hurriedly.

As well as all the animals, the yard was full of materials, sheets of metal and wood, planks, plastic sheeting and tarpaulin covering whatever the Lotts were building. I thought the shape was familiar in some way but couldn’t quite grasp what it was.

Stop the car a minute, will ya? said Parker, bringing down the window on his side. I tapped the brakes but kept the engine running.

You’re letting the rain in, complained Mary. He was too, but then he leaned the top half of his body out the window and, heedless of the rain on his head and shoulders, hailed the Lotts – or at least one of them.

Hey, Job, a fine soft day, wha’? called Parker.

Job Lott, trudging across their yard with some kind of machinery or tool clutched to his chest, his broad shoulder hunched, turned.

Ah, Noahsey, how’s it goin’? Then, peering into the car and nodding: Mary, Racker.

We nodded back.

What’re ya buildin’? Looks like a bloody big boat, Parker again, with a laugh and … something fell into place in my brain.

Job stopped dead, as if he’d been struck or walked into an invisible wall.

A moment stretched. The rain fell, a donkey brayed, parrots squawked.

Mister Lott – nobody called him anything but ‘Mister’ since he’d been a magistrate – hurried out with his wife from underneath a huge tarpaulin, put his big hand on his son’s shoulders and pushed him forward.

Sorry lads, we’re really busy right now, he called back over his shoulder. Job was glancing back at us as the three of them disappeared under the tarpaulin.

Parker pulled his wet torso back into the car and sent the window closed. We were silent in the car for a moment, the rain drumming on the roof and running down the windows, the engine idling.

Weird, commented Parker, unusually at a loss for words.

Did you notice, I began, Mrs. Lott …?

Mary nodded. She didn’t look back, not once.

End.

Getting mileage out of parliamentary representatives

On By rebelbreezeIn Capitalism, Current Affairs Comment, Ireland, SatireLeave a comment

News & Views 5 Diarmuid Breatnach (Reading time: 2 mins.)

‘What about that Niall Collins fella?’

‘Wha’ – the Junior Minister for Education and his travel distance claims?’

‘Yeah. I mean, according to The Ditch he would’a hav’ta driven more than twice as much as the average taxi driver in Ireland, which averages at 30,352 kilometres a year. Collins claimed 73,807 kilometres.’

‘With a head for figures like that, he should be Minister for Finance!’

‘Heh, heh. But maybe he was moonlighting as a taxi super-driver on top of his parliamentary travelling.’

‘Could be. Those poor TDs only get €107,376 a year to live on.’

‘Apart from expenses. Like tax-deductible driving expenses.’

‘Exactly!’

‘Well, it does certainly look like he’s been taking the country for a ride.’

‘Ha, ha, ha. And ye can’t fault his drive!’

‘I think they’ll soon be calling him ‘Miles’ Collins.’

(Maybe we’ve got enough mileage out of that now).

https://www.ontheditch.com/high-mileage-club-niall-collins/

A DANGEROUS DISEASE

On By rebelbreezeIn Creative writing, Cultural Comment, Current Affairs Comment, irish history, Satire3 Comments

Diarmuid Breatnach

(Reading time: One min.)

A deadly disease has struck some people in Ireland, affecting tendons in the legs, control of the tongue and causing partial amnesia. By a strange twist, some of those affected are attracted to the very site of the first outbreak of the disease.

The effect on the tendons in the legs of those affected is dramatic: they can no longer stand up straight and find themselves bending a knee or even collapsing on to both knees, the tongue protruding in bizarre licking motion.

Less visible but in many ways more striking is the amnesia effect. Those affected lose memories of parts of what they learned in school or what they themselves thought and said in the past – even in recent years.

According to Dr. P O’Neill of the Institute of Research and Adjustment, a new symptom was observed recently: “Affected people spent four hours staring vacantly at a film of some anachronistic ritual”.

Dr. T.W.Tone, who has been studying similar outbreaks in the past observed on the affinity of the disease for people of higher social classes: “No-one is guaranteed immunity but it does seem that the lower the social class, the less likely the person is to contract this disease.”

Commenting on the low recovery rate of those who contract the disease, Dr. J.Connolly pointed to the crucial importance of prevention, for which community programs of education can be very effective. “We rely especially on Volunteers,” he said, “men and women who are dedicated to preventing the spread of this disease.”

end.

RUSSIAN AND BURKEAN GAS

On By rebelbreezeIn Current Affairs Comment, Human Rights, Ireland, Mass Media Criticism, NATO, Political Analysis, Satire, US ImperialismLeave a comment

NEWS & VIEWS No.2

10 March 2023

(Reading time: 5mins.)

The mass media is not great for accuracy or wide coverage and even less so for trustworthy analysis but it does often provide entertainment. Not always even intentionally.

Like when the western mass media reported one day that the Russians were shelling the nuclear reactor in the Russian-held sector of the Donbas area and, within hours, that the Russians were shelling from there.

We’ve all seen examples of the unreliability of the mass media (run by capitalists for the capitalist system so what can we expect, after all?) in our own country but hard to imagine more consistently unreliable and biased than its coverage of the war in the Ukraine.

Take for example the bombing of the Nord Stream pipeline on 26 September last year. The undersea pipeline was delivering Russian gas to Germany; its owners are Russian in financing partnership with European companies and it cost around $9.5 Billion euros to build.

It’s a twin pipeline stretching 1,230 km through the Baltic Sea. Each line comprises around 100,000 individual pipes, each 12 m in length.

So who did the wmm (western mass media) line up to blame, or at least to suggest might have carried out this sabotage? Yep, Russia, major shareholders in the pipeline and major route for exporting of their gas for sale to Europe!

Made no sense at all but to a public marinated in msm propaganda for months …

Now, if you were a reasonable detective, you’d be asking yourself: “Who stands to gain from this?” And you’d have to conclude “enemies of Russia”. Next, who would have the capability and opportunity to do it?

Well, states near the sea there who are not friendly to Russia, obviously. Like Sweden and Norway, whose states have reportedly been investigating for months without any apparent results..

But not just them, also US NATO, who has ships nearby and who carried out the BALTOPS 22 major naval exercise not long before the explosions – including underwater exercises. Sweden and Norway had both participated in the BALTOPS 22 joint NATO exercise.

Ships participating in NATO’s BALTOPS 22 exercise last year. (Images sourced: Internet)

Who would point the finger of suspicion at them? Not the western mass media, that’s for sure.

However a big fly has very recently landed in the ointment. Seymour Hersh, a long-established USA journalist, who has in his CV a Pullitzer Prize for the exposure of the 1968 US massacre of the Mai Lai village in Vietnam, published a report pointing the finger at the USA.

Of course Russia jumps on that – it’s their pipeline and they consider that the US is fighting a proxy war against them in Ukraine. The US and its allies in turn accuse Russia of just using the accusation to divert attention away from their continued invasion of Ukraine and war there.

Sure, that’s possible. But the blowing of the pipeline is an acknowledged fact and it was blown up by somebody – and the US are looking more and more like the most likely suspects. But don’t expect much help in clearing this up from the wsm.

A naval diver surfaces during NATO’s BALTOP 22 exercise last year. (Images sourced: Internet)

Apparently Hersch’s report is not reliable because he didn’t name his inside sources. Really? He didn’t burn his whistleblowing sources on whom, apart from any considerations of decency, he might need to use in future? Or for reason to be trusted by future whistleblowers?!

Now we have a new version. No, not Russia in the frame any more but some “pro-Ukrainian group” or “anti-Putin Russian group”. And the source for this? An unnamed (but suddenly that’s not a problem any more) US Intelligence agency. Yeah, sure.

Neither wsm massaging nor US laundering is going to clean this story up. In pursuance of its drive for world hegemony, the ruling class of the US has been pushing Russia, its main obstacle in Europe, into war.

Well, despite the dangers, the European allies of the USA can go along with that, some (e.g. Poland) more enthusiastically than others, but ok overall. But to sabotage the pipeline delivering gas to Germany, the big power in the EU?

Reckless, US ruling class, reckless. And not just environmentally.

SOURCES

Spare a thought for a family being tortured by the Irish State, which has jailed one of its sons already and went and jailed another one more recently. Yes, you’ve heard of them, the Burke family.

First of all, their son Enoch who was a teacher, objected to a pupil identifying themselves by another gender.

The school required him to refer to this person not as ‘he’ or ‘she’ but as ‘they’. Oh, you can imagine the torment suffered by poor Enoch!

The Burke family leaving from one of Enoch Burke’s court appearances. Enoch is on the far left (not politically) and Simeon in the centre (not politically either). (Images sourced: Internet)

True, he might only have to refer to this person a dozen times in the year but … being forced to say “they”. This is a sin against Enoch’s religion! His religious rights are at stake here!

So naturally Enoch had to take a stand and naturally too had to do it in a public situation in the school, for which he got suspended while awaiting a disciplinary hearing.

Enoch’s religious principles required him to refuse the suspension and keep attending the school and to disobey a court order, for which (and for his stalwart protests in court) he was sent to prison in contempt of court.

Eventually, of course, he was sacked but he applied to the High Court to prevent that, during which attendance he and his family antagonised the judge by their interruptions and manner.

Then the younger son, Simeon, emulating his older brother, refused to be silent and accused the judge of “forcing the people of Ireland to accept transgender”, obviously an attack on his religion too.

The judge was “shoving transgenderism down the throats of the people of Ireland, not only in the schools but in the universities”, cried out the younger Burke. The judge ordered him to leave the court and when he declined, the Gardaí were called.

Young Simeon was removed, during which he was, he told the Judge, “shocked and shaken to the core” and had “been treated in a brutal fashion” by a “mob of Gardaí”. And charged with breach of the Public Order.

Left: Enoch Burke; right: Simeon Burke leaving the High Court. (Images sourced: Internet)

This raised unkind comments on social media from people alleging that they knew Garda “brutal treatment” in Dublin and in Rossport and that Simeon simply had no idea (some going so far as to cruelly dub him “Simple Simeon”, a reference to a similar-sounding children’s game).

Simeon was offered bail in his own name for a paltry sum and with no conditions except to stay away from the High Court but the brave young Burke refused to sign his bail form. So he went to jail too.

Simeon Burke should know something about the law, having studied it at University of Ireland, Galway. He ran for Student Union President there against the Left in general, where, according to Isaac Burke’s media, out of 2,500 votes cast, he received 482 first preference votes.

The legalisation of contraception, divorce and gay marriage are all presumably “crimes against God” too in the eyes of the Burke family and the High Court judges are sworn to protect those decisions.

Some unkind people are pointing out that if the Burkes consider the High Court to be wrong and its operation against their religion, why take their case there for adjudication? Yes, that is puzzling.

But the substantive and original issue remains: should a man of religious conviction be forced to use the third person plural pronoun to refer to any person?

And, come to think of it, did the Burkes object when Christianity was being “shoved down the throats of the people of Ireland, not only in the schools but in the universities”?

End.

SOURCES

Seymour Hersh claims US Navy behind Nord Stream 2 pipeline explosion (nypost.com)

BALTOPS – Wikipedia

Nord Stream explosions: US officials say intelligence indicates pro-Ukrainian group sabotaged pipelines | World News | Sky News

Carlow Nationalist — ‘I am not a criminal’: Simeon Burke charged with breach of peace after court incident | Carlow Nationalist (carlow-nationalist.ie)

Who is Simeon Burke, the younger brother of Enoch arrested after scenes at Court of Appeal? (msn.com)

Battle lines drawn at NUI Galway Students’ Union elections – Burke Broadcast

BESPOKE CAR ALARMS WITH VOICES!

On By rebelbreezeIn Creative writing, Creative writing, Satire1 Comment

Diarmuid Breatnach

(Reading time: 2 mins.)

Car alarms are mostly of a kind, emitting shrill noise. But why not have them use voice? And why not allow the car-owner to choose from a variety of voice alarms, find one perhaps more suited to their own personality?

Don’t forget, you saw this idea and this selection here first!

SIX CATEGORIES, VARIOUS MODELS

Insistent (2 models)

(in English public school accent – not recommended for certain areas of Ireland, Scotland, Wales or inner-city England)
You are crowding me. Please desist. In other words, stop!

B. (gradually increasing in volume)

This is not your car. You are not an authorised driver. You are performing an illegal act. There are serious consequences. You must stop now.

This is not your car. You are not an authorised driver. You are performing an illegal act. There are serious consequences. You must stop now.

This is not your car. You are not an authorised driver. You are performing an illegal act. There are serious consequences. You must stop now. (etc.)

Threatening selection (6 models)

A. (in northern USA accent) Step away from the car. STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR. DO IT NOW!

B. SMILE. THANK YOU. YOUR PHOTO IS ON ITS WAY TO THE POLICE.

C. God does not like you standing too near me or trying my door handle. He sees everything you do.

D. Stand back. You are about to receive a mega electric shock. Charging …

E. SCRATCH MY CAR AND PREPARE TO DIE. (available in a selection of accents, from Russian mafia to LA Gangsta).

F. That spike you have just received from my door handle has taken a sample of your DNA and carries a powerful sleep drug. You have seconds before you collapse. Find somewhere safe to lie down.

Sinister (1 model)

Yes, come in, come in! Welcome! Welcome! I’ve been waiting for someone like you. Just like you. Never mind the bloodstains. Just an accident. Or two. Come in, come in! (Available in a variety of voices, creaky, sibilant, etc.)

Persuasive selection (2 models)

A. You’d steal a Metro? Seriously?

B. Yes, yes, listen to my voice. Breathe deeply. Lisssten to my voice. You feel com-fort-ably warrrrm and relaxed. Tot-all-y rel-axed. You don’t want to steal a car any more. Certainly not this one. You want to find a cafe and sit in it. Tot-all-y rel-axed. You will leave now.

Attention-attracting with Embarrassment Deterrence selection (5 models)

A. HELP! I AM BEING BROKEN INTO! HELP!

B. BARRRP! (Yes, a loud fart-noise. With sewer smell). BRAAPP! BARRRP!

C. I HAVE DISCHARGED A BAG OF URINE ON YOUR LEG. IT CARRIES A PERMANENT PURPLE DYE TOO.

D. EVERYBODY! THE PERSON STANDING BY THIS CAR IS A CHILD MOLESTER AND TORTURES PUPPIES AND KITTENS!

E. Ooh! Ah, stop. That tickles. No. Ahahahaha! No, please! No! AHAHAHAHAHA! Oh gosh, stop, please stop. Ahahahahaha!

Other

Think about what you’re doing. Do you really want to steal this car? Think about the conseq …